Well, I have nearly forgotten about my blog with all the hustle and bustle of getting settled in to our new lives as a "table for 5, please", and finding daycare for Katie and getting back in the swing of things with work after 3 months of being on "maternity leave". The 3 months went by so fast, but I so enjoyed my time getting to know my newest little love. The transformation that this child has undergone in the past 3 months, has been truly amazing. From a terrified little girl who would cover her face in the presence of new adults who now runs up to them and happily gives them high-fives. She is still not big on being picked up and held by anyone other than mommy and daddy, but really.....what two year old does like being held by people they still don't know well?
With every passing week, Patrick and I learn new things about Katie and see a new dimension to her marvelous little personality. She loves to peak around the door frame of our office, and when she makes eye contact she will squeal and run with her floppy little self and jump into our arms grinning ear to ear. She smells so yummy after bath time and loves to be wrapped up in her big pink towel with the cat ears and cat tail and then climb into my arms while I hold her tight and rock her as she warms up.
Katie went from virtually hoarding food to now showing a bit of a picky side, which to me is a wonderful milestone. To me it says that she is no longer scared that she will not have enough food, and that she feels safe enough to turn away food because she is confident there will be more the minute she tells me she is hungry.
Now language with Katie has not quite developed the way we thought it would have by now. She is almost 27 months and at her speech therapy assessment they said she is at the level of a 4 month old. She does not experiment with sounds or consenents and only has one sound that she makes when she is happy or frustrated. The difference is in the inflection (as well as how LOUD she says it!) which gets her point across. We are also using sign language and she communicates quite well with me through signing. We will begin sign language in the next few weeks which will be interesting to see if we denote some progress.
We have been through the battery of medical appointment with her pediatrician, the adoption medicine clinic, the audiologist (hearing is perfect!), the cardiologist (has a murmur, but harmless), the neuro surgeon and the neurologist at the end of January. We believe she might be having small siezures which seem to come and go depending on her level of rest, stress, etc. She will undergo a stress EEG which we are hoping to get some good results from.
All of that aside, it feels like Katie has been part of our family for forever. She seemlessly fit into this family as if she was picked by the hand of God himself for the perfect match. Oh wait.........he did pick her for us, and us for her! What a guy!
And her siblings have embraced her with open arms and love her so unconditionally and passionately that it makes my heart burst with pride. I did not know that my children possessed such capacity for compassion and boundless love. When I speak firmly with Katie because she has just ripped up something (say, my "Night Before Christmas" book) Brooke will run to her crying sister and hold her so tight, stroking her head and kissing her so gently, whispering "It's okay, Katie. I love you." And then the Ice Queen's heart just melts and I have to scoop them both up into my arms and have a little love-in. And Austin still loves to feed her and change her diaper......... yes, you heard me correctly, he LOVES to change her diaper, as long as it's not poopy. He wrestles with her and has tickle fights with her which are hysterical to watch because Katie has no idea how to tickle so she flails her arms all over his belly and he fake-laughs so hard that she just erupts into laughter, which then get's everyone giggling.
Katie just feels so "normal" to me. I know that when we visit the doctor and they say "possible neurological damage" and "tremors in her hands" or "siezures", it all sounds so horrible and scary, but the minute we leave their office and I look her in the eyes I know that she is one healthy, happy little girl and that is all that matters to me right now. The rest will all work itself out in time.
What a blessing Patrick and I have been given in Katie, as well as our Brooke and Austin!
How sweet life IS!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Our meeting with the Neuro surgeon
Well, we have put Katie through the ringer with medical appointments and she has been a feminine champ through it all! Our pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health and most of her blood work (10 vials of blood later) has all come back in good shape and it appears that all her vaccinations she received in China worked. I have to say I am shocked by this as 60% of kids adopted from China have to have vaccinations re-administered once in the US. We went to the dentist and shock of all shocks, she does not have any cavities which was also another welcome surprise. Surprising because orphanages are notorious for giving these kiddos lots of sugary foods, falling asleep with bottles and they don't brush their teeth.
We also met with a children's neuro surgeon a few days ago and he did confirm that Katie had brain surgery as a newborn. He explained that the scar is very typical of an epidural hematoma which is what Katie had. He said that he is certain that it was caused by a traumatic labor and delivery, specifically the use of a suction vacuum in the hospital or forceps which may have caused the blood clot on her brain. He said that given her development is right on target with the exception of her language, he is not worried and did not want to do any type of brain scan. He said that her head is very flat due to spending an abundant amount of time on her back in a crib in the orphanage, and not from the surgery itself and felt that it will gain a more rounded shape over the years.
We do think that Katie is having small seizures throughout the day and after discussing with him and our pediatrician we are going to wait to do testing for a bit, as it can be a lengthy process. She is not in any immediate harm and they are very mild and most people would not even notice that she has had one. Her eyes flutter a bit and she appears a bit dazed for about 5-10 seconds, so they are very short and painless.
Regardless, as a mother it is our innate response to worry.
On a separate note, Katie is now such a typical two year old, minus any language. She is happy and charming and full of energy. If you would have asked me one month ago to describe her personality, I would have told you that my daughter was shy, fearful of loud situations, terrified of adults and reluctant to interact with other children. Today, she is a loud, confident, assertive little girl who loves to play with other children, embracing them with big hugs and overall seems to be attaching superbly to her mommy and daddy. She joins in on the WWF wrestling matches in the basement with the neighbor kids and loves to scream as she runs around the pool table while swinging her baby doll in one hand and her brothers laser tag gun in the other. She wants me to cary her everywhere, loves to climb in my lap while I work on the computer and has a sweet tooth, just like her daddy. I felt like I loved her to maximum capacity the moment she was placed in my arms. A week ago, both Patrick and I felt like our love for her jumped exponentially and realized that as we get to know her personality on a deeper level, our love for her grows deeper roots as well.
Life with three kids has not been difficult. The difficult part is having a two year old that leaves a path of destruction in her wake. It is part of a two year olds private little joke to leave chunks of food and toys everywhere, and to stuff bottles in the couch cushions for her parents to find as a soured science experiment a week later. Changing diapers again has not bothered me, but when she sticks her hand in her poopy diaper and then giggles while accidentally wiping it on her clean clothes or my sweater.........now that bothers me! :)
I pray that each of you is as blessed in your lives as we are. We have three of the most amazing kids in the world. They share their love with us and others so freely and they have embraced Katie as their sibling with open arms and big giant bear hugs (or headlocks, in Brooke's case). I cannot begin to imagine my life any other way.
We also met with a children's neuro surgeon a few days ago and he did confirm that Katie had brain surgery as a newborn. He explained that the scar is very typical of an epidural hematoma which is what Katie had. He said that he is certain that it was caused by a traumatic labor and delivery, specifically the use of a suction vacuum in the hospital or forceps which may have caused the blood clot on her brain. He said that given her development is right on target with the exception of her language, he is not worried and did not want to do any type of brain scan. He said that her head is very flat due to spending an abundant amount of time on her back in a crib in the orphanage, and not from the surgery itself and felt that it will gain a more rounded shape over the years.
We do think that Katie is having small seizures throughout the day and after discussing with him and our pediatrician we are going to wait to do testing for a bit, as it can be a lengthy process. She is not in any immediate harm and they are very mild and most people would not even notice that she has had one. Her eyes flutter a bit and she appears a bit dazed for about 5-10 seconds, so they are very short and painless.
Regardless, as a mother it is our innate response to worry.
On a separate note, Katie is now such a typical two year old, minus any language. She is happy and charming and full of energy. If you would have asked me one month ago to describe her personality, I would have told you that my daughter was shy, fearful of loud situations, terrified of adults and reluctant to interact with other children. Today, she is a loud, confident, assertive little girl who loves to play with other children, embracing them with big hugs and overall seems to be attaching superbly to her mommy and daddy. She joins in on the WWF wrestling matches in the basement with the neighbor kids and loves to scream as she runs around the pool table while swinging her baby doll in one hand and her brothers laser tag gun in the other. She wants me to cary her everywhere, loves to climb in my lap while I work on the computer and has a sweet tooth, just like her daddy. I felt like I loved her to maximum capacity the moment she was placed in my arms. A week ago, both Patrick and I felt like our love for her jumped exponentially and realized that as we get to know her personality on a deeper level, our love for her grows deeper roots as well.
Life with three kids has not been difficult. The difficult part is having a two year old that leaves a path of destruction in her wake. It is part of a two year olds private little joke to leave chunks of food and toys everywhere, and to stuff bottles in the couch cushions for her parents to find as a soured science experiment a week later. Changing diapers again has not bothered me, but when she sticks her hand in her poopy diaper and then giggles while accidentally wiping it on her clean clothes or my sweater.........now that bothers me! :)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Today is our 1 month anniversary of our "Gotcha Day"!
1 month ago today, our little Katie was placed in my arms, by her nanny, the only parental figure she had ever known in two years. She was terrified and shut down emotionally and physically. She was shaking and twitching with a fear that I cannot comprehend.
1 month ago today, was one of the happiest days of our lives, and one of the worst in her little life. Once again, she was ripped from the arms of her "mama" and forced to start over again. I wonder, how many times this happen to her? She lost her birth mother, and she lost her nanny or "Ayi", but how many other nannies had she lost in the past two years? One? Three? Ten? I have no idea, and I will never know, but I do know that it had to have been horrible for her with each loss.
And then on Gotcha Day, here is this family that looks very strange and smells funny with tears rolling down their cheeks, kissing on her and hugging her. Perfect strangers now bound together by a love that she does not feel yet. In fact, she hated her new mama. She would tremble when I came near her. She would close her eyes and hope that I was just a bad dream, only to open them to me still largely in her world.
1 month ago today, Katie was a completely different child than the one that now runs around the house, chasing her new brother and and sister, squealing at the top of her lungs. There is virtually no hint of that scared little girl, so terrified and angry. She now carries her baby doll everywhere, stopping only to feed her a bottle or to give her a hug and a squeeze. She holds her arms up to me, asking me to pick her up and hold her in my arms, which I so willingly do, over and over again. She smiles and babbles and talks to me in the limited baby talk that she has and we can communicate and understand each other.
Katie still thinks the sun rises each morning for her daddy, which is truly such a blessing and so wonderful to see. She loves her daddy to pieces, but she now seems to love me too!
I can hold her in my arms at night and sing to her and stroke her head while we sit cheek to cheek in our big chair. She now cries when I leave the room, not just her daddy. She beams with delight when her brother and sister get home from school and loves it when Austin climbs in her crib at night, stroking her head and singing soft songs until she falls asleep.
Our life is more blessed than we could have possibly ever imagined. Katie was truly picked by God as the perfect complement to our family. She is so much like her brother and sister and such a gentle soul. We could not imagine life without her. Although it can drive me to tears thinking about the two missed years that I did not have her in my life, I have to give that piece over to God, knowing that he was preparing her and preparing us for each other. He did the most masterful job of creating our family and I have always told my biological children that I am so glad that "God picked me to be your mommy". Now, I can say the same thing to Katie, because it is clear to us that God picked these children, not by coincidence or science, but by the loving and faithful hand of God, because no other children would have worked in this family..... Austin, Brooke and Katie were made just for us. I am so thankful and truly in awe of Him. What a gracious God we have.
1 month ago today, was one of the happiest days of our lives, and one of the worst in her little life. Once again, she was ripped from the arms of her "mama" and forced to start over again. I wonder, how many times this happen to her? She lost her birth mother, and she lost her nanny or "Ayi", but how many other nannies had she lost in the past two years? One? Three? Ten? I have no idea, and I will never know, but I do know that it had to have been horrible for her with each loss.
And then on Gotcha Day, here is this family that looks very strange and smells funny with tears rolling down their cheeks, kissing on her and hugging her. Perfect strangers now bound together by a love that she does not feel yet. In fact, she hated her new mama. She would tremble when I came near her. She would close her eyes and hope that I was just a bad dream, only to open them to me still largely in her world.
1 month ago today, Katie was a completely different child than the one that now runs around the house, chasing her new brother and and sister, squealing at the top of her lungs. There is virtually no hint of that scared little girl, so terrified and angry. She now carries her baby doll everywhere, stopping only to feed her a bottle or to give her a hug and a squeeze. She holds her arms up to me, asking me to pick her up and hold her in my arms, which I so willingly do, over and over again. She smiles and babbles and talks to me in the limited baby talk that she has and we can communicate and understand each other.
Katie still thinks the sun rises each morning for her daddy, which is truly such a blessing and so wonderful to see. She loves her daddy to pieces, but she now seems to love me too!
I can hold her in my arms at night and sing to her and stroke her head while we sit cheek to cheek in our big chair. She now cries when I leave the room, not just her daddy. She beams with delight when her brother and sister get home from school and loves it when Austin climbs in her crib at night, stroking her head and singing soft songs until she falls asleep.
Our life is more blessed than we could have possibly ever imagined. Katie was truly picked by God as the perfect complement to our family. She is so much like her brother and sister and such a gentle soul. We could not imagine life without her. Although it can drive me to tears thinking about the two missed years that I did not have her in my life, I have to give that piece over to God, knowing that he was preparing her and preparing us for each other. He did the most masterful job of creating our family and I have always told my biological children that I am so glad that "God picked me to be your mommy". Now, I can say the same thing to Katie, because it is clear to us that God picked these children, not by coincidence or science, but by the loving and faithful hand of God, because no other children would have worked in this family..... Austin, Brooke and Katie were made just for us. I am so thankful and truly in awe of Him. What a gracious God we have.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
It's been a week and a half since we returned home
So what a difference a week makes! We have been home a week and a half now and Katie has improved by leaps and bounds! Each day, we seem to make progress, with the weekends being a step backwards (I'll explain), but overall we are still moving in the right direction!
Patrick is back to work and I am on maternity leave which means that Katie is "stuck" with me during the weekdays. This past week, she really began warming up to me, letting me hold her and kiss all over her and she even began babbling with me, which had been something only reserved for her daddy and siblings. I was so thrilled! Once daddy was home in the evenings, she preferred spending time in his arms, opposed to mine, but I wasn't offended since I got to hog her all day long. She has begun to understand so many english words as well! She understands changing her diaper, snack time, bottle, and even nap time because she goes to hide in a closet! I find her peaking out from behind daddy's suits! She is still not saying any english words but with the language barrier and the speach delays due to institutionalization, I am pleased to see her babbling and experimenting with words. She will point at an object and look to me for an explanation of what the object is.
Over the weekend, we did take some steps backwards, however we took her to a pumpkin patch and I think that may have been a bit overwhelming. She then proceeded to refuse any affection from me and wouldn't let me hold her which was honestly hearbreaking, after making such strides. Tomorrow is Monday, so we will have more alone time which means 5 days of hopeful progress!
I have to say, that Brooke and Austin have been so amazing through this process. I really expected them to struggle more with the adaptation of a little sister, and they have been truly remarkable. Austin puts her to bed at night which is so sweet. He climbes into the crib with her and strokes her head until she is sound asleep. Katie cuddles up against him and is out like a light within 5 minutes, and Austin is soooo proud of himself! And Brooke, whom I thought would really struggle with a new baby sister, has just smothered this poor child with love! She literally mauls the poor child with hugs and kisses. I don't think another child has received so many kisses in a single day. Katie is such a trooper and puts up with it, and even seems to enjoy it. She follows her brother and sister everywhere and they get to running around the house screaming jiberish wish makes Katie laugh until she snorts like a pig. Pretty darn cute, if you ask this mama pig.
Brooke also wants to feed her all her meals, which means that I have been replaced in that department but its too hard to tell Brooke "no" as she enjoys it so.
I have loved watching Katie flourish, seeing that she is gaining confidence to tell me when she is hungry. She goes to her highchair and pats the seat when she wants food and she has learned that mama comes a runnin' with fistfulls of snacks when she does this. I want her to realize that she can get food when her belly is grumbling and that she will no longer only have 2 meals a day.
We had our first doctors appointment this past week, and she passed with preliminary flying colors. We still have to run some blood work at the hospital and meet with a children's neuro surgeon, but she was 50% in height and 25% in weight on the american scale, so she is healthy and thriving. A little excema medication and we were on our way!
To sign out, I just want to say thank you to all of you who have followed our journey and prayed for our family along the way. It has meant the world to us, and we are so incredibly grateful for the support and good friends that we have as our support system. At church today I weeped through the entire service as I looked at my newest daughter in my husbands arms and realized how incredibly blessed we are. We all needed each other. Katie needed a family, and we needed a little girl to bring us more love, hugs and giggles (or pig snorts, whatever you want to call them). Austin and Brooke are so much more enriched with their new little sister and although I see some attachement therapy in our near future, I think that our family will soon feel whole and normal and fulfilled in short order.
I will continue to update our blog with pictures and stories as our lives progress over the coming weeks. And if anyone is feeling led towards adoption, I would love to talk with you about it! I think that we are all called to do different things in life, and if you are feeling called to find a child, its a dramatically wonderful journey, that you have to experience to truly understand!
Patrick is back to work and I am on maternity leave which means that Katie is "stuck" with me during the weekdays. This past week, she really began warming up to me, letting me hold her and kiss all over her and she even began babbling with me, which had been something only reserved for her daddy and siblings. I was so thrilled! Once daddy was home in the evenings, she preferred spending time in his arms, opposed to mine, but I wasn't offended since I got to hog her all day long. She has begun to understand so many english words as well! She understands changing her diaper, snack time, bottle, and even nap time because she goes to hide in a closet! I find her peaking out from behind daddy's suits! She is still not saying any english words but with the language barrier and the speach delays due to institutionalization, I am pleased to see her babbling and experimenting with words. She will point at an object and look to me for an explanation of what the object is.
Over the weekend, we did take some steps backwards, however we took her to a pumpkin patch and I think that may have been a bit overwhelming. She then proceeded to refuse any affection from me and wouldn't let me hold her which was honestly hearbreaking, after making such strides. Tomorrow is Monday, so we will have more alone time which means 5 days of hopeful progress!
I have to say, that Brooke and Austin have been so amazing through this process. I really expected them to struggle more with the adaptation of a little sister, and they have been truly remarkable. Austin puts her to bed at night which is so sweet. He climbes into the crib with her and strokes her head until she is sound asleep. Katie cuddles up against him and is out like a light within 5 minutes, and Austin is soooo proud of himself! And Brooke, whom I thought would really struggle with a new baby sister, has just smothered this poor child with love! She literally mauls the poor child with hugs and kisses. I don't think another child has received so many kisses in a single day. Katie is such a trooper and puts up with it, and even seems to enjoy it. She follows her brother and sister everywhere and they get to running around the house screaming jiberish wish makes Katie laugh until she snorts like a pig. Pretty darn cute, if you ask this mama pig.
Brooke also wants to feed her all her meals, which means that I have been replaced in that department but its too hard to tell Brooke "no" as she enjoys it so.
I have loved watching Katie flourish, seeing that she is gaining confidence to tell me when she is hungry. She goes to her highchair and pats the seat when she wants food and she has learned that mama comes a runnin' with fistfulls of snacks when she does this. I want her to realize that she can get food when her belly is grumbling and that she will no longer only have 2 meals a day.
We had our first doctors appointment this past week, and she passed with preliminary flying colors. We still have to run some blood work at the hospital and meet with a children's neuro surgeon, but she was 50% in height and 25% in weight on the american scale, so she is healthy and thriving. A little excema medication and we were on our way!
To sign out, I just want to say thank you to all of you who have followed our journey and prayed for our family along the way. It has meant the world to us, and we are so incredibly grateful for the support and good friends that we have as our support system. At church today I weeped through the entire service as I looked at my newest daughter in my husbands arms and realized how incredibly blessed we are. We all needed each other. Katie needed a family, and we needed a little girl to bring us more love, hugs and giggles (or pig snorts, whatever you want to call them). Austin and Brooke are so much more enriched with their new little sister and although I see some attachement therapy in our near future, I think that our family will soon feel whole and normal and fulfilled in short order.
Friday, October 1, 2010
We are finally home from China!
So we made it and better yet.......so did our luggage! When our plane touched down in San Francisco the 4 adoptive families on the flight burst out into applause and shouts of joy. The Chinese on the plane all looked rather offended, but we were just so thankful to be back in the states. Katie cried for a total of 5 minutes the entire 15 hours of flight time and had been up for 30 hours with more than 2 hours of sleep. She was such a trooper. She was so happy exploring her new home and actually started babbling some last night which we had yet to hear. And, to top it off we got to hear her first words! Any guesses as to what her first word was? You guessed it...... "Da da". Her next words will be "get away from me Mom!"
Yep, she is still not liking me much these days, but we are working on it.
Last night she grieved a lot. She went to bed around 8:00 and at 9:00 woke up sobbing and it went on all night. I finally got up and journaled and read my book for a few hours (NOT easy after taking an Ambien) and then she finally fell asleep around 4:00am. At 7:00am we were all up and getting ready for school.
Today after the kids got home from school, she just beamed. She sat hugging Brooke on the floor for hours and Brooke combed her hair and made up stories as they thumbed through book after book. When someone came to the door for a visit, she just clung to Brooke, putting her head in her lap as if she was her safety buoy out in a vast, scary sea.
And tonight as I tried to put Katie to bed, she cried and cried until Austin got out of his bed and came in to comfort her. He asked if he could climb in bed with her and the two of them fell sound asleep cuddled up in the middle of our king size bed. Tears are streaming down my face as I give thanks for my amazing children. They have proven to be such little heroes to me. I wish I had half the amount of grace and patience that they have. Austin fed Katie his entire chocolate chip cookie after dinner tonight. Brooke shared her lip-gloss with Katie (which she wouldn't do for ANYONE else, trust me).
And as I sit hear writing, I realize that not only am I so lucky to have such an amazing family, but I also live in the best darn country on earth. There is no one telling me what I have to believe, or scaring me into believing how great my leader is, even if I don't believe it (example, Mao who coldly murdered a guestimated hundreds of thousands of his own people.)
There is no one indoctrinating me about other countries, and forcing me to endure socialized medicine. America is the greatest damn place on earth, and if you EVER doubt that, take a risk and go visit a communist ruled country like China or Russia. I have been to both and I have seen the dead zone that lies right behind the peoples eyes. I came away from both countries with such a sadness, as I watched and saw that you don't see groups of friends gathering at restaurants for dinner. You don't see laughter on the faces of people on the street. Very few people smile and the children lack the vigor and energetic happiness that is so mainstream here in America. To be free, is priceless. And as a Country, we love to complain about how horrible we are at polluting the earth, and how the gas of our cattle is burning holes in the atmosphere and how big trucks are bringing down the sky. Folks, you ain't seen nothin' until you have been to China. I did not see the sun for 3 entire weeks, and it wasn't because of clouds. The smog and pollution are flabbergasting. I had heard about the pollution in China and how they had implemented driving restrictions but you truly have to see it to believe it. Astounding. You can not see farther that a few city blocks because the haze engulfs the giant buildings, trapping the odors of raw sewage that permeates from doorways and alleys.
Overally, China was a great experience and I am so glad that I got to take in all the beauty that is a big part of China. I will forever have those memories to share with Katie as she grows and her curiosity about her origin of birth emerges. And maybe someday, the difficulties of traveling with a toddler for 3 weeks in a foreign land will fade, and we will once again return to her roots to explore her history, if she so desires. But for now, it is sooooo good to be home!
And for what its worth, here are the things that I missed most during my 3 week stay in China: Being able to drink water from a faucet without boiling it first, wearing my sunglasses, the ring of my cell phone, hanging out in the alley or at the park with my neighbors, bear-hugs from my children, battling traffic at my childrens school during morning drop off, eggs that are cooked all the way, raw vegetables, knowing that whatever meal is placed in front of me wont contain a chicken foot, an ox tail, or shaved tongue, a soft bed, and the sun.
These are the things I took for granted. Now go and kiss your children and your spouse.
I will post more pictures of Katie this weekend, once I get some sleep and get settled in....
Kristie
Yep, she is still not liking me much these days, but we are working on it.
Last night she grieved a lot. She went to bed around 8:00 and at 9:00 woke up sobbing and it went on all night. I finally got up and journaled and read my book for a few hours (NOT easy after taking an Ambien) and then she finally fell asleep around 4:00am. At 7:00am we were all up and getting ready for school.
Today after the kids got home from school, she just beamed. She sat hugging Brooke on the floor for hours and Brooke combed her hair and made up stories as they thumbed through book after book. When someone came to the door for a visit, she just clung to Brooke, putting her head in her lap as if she was her safety buoy out in a vast, scary sea.
And tonight as I tried to put Katie to bed, she cried and cried until Austin got out of his bed and came in to comfort her. He asked if he could climb in bed with her and the two of them fell sound asleep cuddled up in the middle of our king size bed. Tears are streaming down my face as I give thanks for my amazing children. They have proven to be such little heroes to me. I wish I had half the amount of grace and patience that they have. Austin fed Katie his entire chocolate chip cookie after dinner tonight. Brooke shared her lip-gloss with Katie (which she wouldn't do for ANYONE else, trust me).
And as I sit hear writing, I realize that not only am I so lucky to have such an amazing family, but I also live in the best darn country on earth. There is no one telling me what I have to believe, or scaring me into believing how great my leader is, even if I don't believe it (example, Mao who coldly murdered a guestimated hundreds of thousands of his own people.)
There is no one indoctrinating me about other countries, and forcing me to endure socialized medicine. America is the greatest damn place on earth, and if you EVER doubt that, take a risk and go visit a communist ruled country like China or Russia. I have been to both and I have seen the dead zone that lies right behind the peoples eyes. I came away from both countries with such a sadness, as I watched and saw that you don't see groups of friends gathering at restaurants for dinner. You don't see laughter on the faces of people on the street. Very few people smile and the children lack the vigor and energetic happiness that is so mainstream here in America. To be free, is priceless. And as a Country, we love to complain about how horrible we are at polluting the earth, and how the gas of our cattle is burning holes in the atmosphere and how big trucks are bringing down the sky. Folks, you ain't seen nothin' until you have been to China. I did not see the sun for 3 entire weeks, and it wasn't because of clouds. The smog and pollution are flabbergasting. I had heard about the pollution in China and how they had implemented driving restrictions but you truly have to see it to believe it. Astounding. You can not see farther that a few city blocks because the haze engulfs the giant buildings, trapping the odors of raw sewage that permeates from doorways and alleys.
Overally, China was a great experience and I am so glad that I got to take in all the beauty that is a big part of China. I will forever have those memories to share with Katie as she grows and her curiosity about her origin of birth emerges. And maybe someday, the difficulties of traveling with a toddler for 3 weeks in a foreign land will fade, and we will once again return to her roots to explore her history, if she so desires. But for now, it is sooooo good to be home!
And for what its worth, here are the things that I missed most during my 3 week stay in China: Being able to drink water from a faucet without boiling it first, wearing my sunglasses, the ring of my cell phone, hanging out in the alley or at the park with my neighbors, bear-hugs from my children, battling traffic at my childrens school during morning drop off, eggs that are cooked all the way, raw vegetables, knowing that whatever meal is placed in front of me wont contain a chicken foot, an ox tail, or shaved tongue, a soft bed, and the sun.
These are the things I took for granted. Now go and kiss your children and your spouse.
I will post more pictures of Katie this weekend, once I get some sleep and get settled in....
Kristie
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
on our way back to America!
We leave tonight for our long trip back to America! We are sooo excited to start this journey! We fly to Hong Kong this evening, spend the night and then head for San Fransciso in the morning. We arrive in Denver at 2:45 and It will be the best day to step foot in the Denver airport.
This morning we woke early and several of us ventured over the the "real" part of China. We went to the fish market which was spectacular. There were tons of live sea creature, sea snakes, land snakes, lobster, crab, eels, giant aligators, turtles and buckets and buckets of scorpions. It was amazing. I have to say, that although we were quite the spectacle and the workers all stopped and stared at us, it was the most friendly place we have encountered in all of China. We had several people smile and say "hello!" to us, which has been quite the rarity here. There does not seem to be much smiling going on in here in China, from what we have witnessed.
We are going to try to fit in a quick trip to the natural herb and medicine market which is apparently very cool. I will post more pictures when we get home, as we are starting to pack up and I'm short on time.
This morning we woke early and several of us ventured over the the "real" part of China. We went to the fish market which was spectacular. There were tons of live sea creature, sea snakes, land snakes, lobster, crab, eels, giant aligators, turtles and buckets and buckets of scorpions. It was amazing. I have to say, that although we were quite the spectacle and the workers all stopped and stared at us, it was the most friendly place we have encountered in all of China. We had several people smile and say "hello!" to us, which has been quite the rarity here. There does not seem to be much smiling going on in here in China, from what we have witnessed.
We are going to try to fit in a quick trip to the natural herb and medicine market which is apparently very cool. I will post more pictures when we get home, as we are starting to pack up and I'm short on time.
Monday, September 27, 2010
What an AMAZING day for Katie and mommy!
(2nd entry for today)
Oh my goodness! I have had such a wonderful day with my little girl!!!! We spent a lot of quality time today and gave daddy some time to play squash and hang out with the guys. So what do girls do to make themselves happy? We SHOP! Katie and I went shopping and every time she saw something she liked she would reach for it and shove it in my face. And what do you think I did???? I said "WE'LL TAKE IT!!!!" Yep, anything my little princess wanted today, she got. She got two adorable bracelets (she looooves jewelry, even more than her mama) and she had me buy her a handmade Chinese doll baby. She pointed to some lime green with white polka dot shoes........and she is wearing them as we speak. She picked out all her Christmas ornaments today and had sooo much fun doing it.
So yes, I bought my daughters love.....don't judge sisters! Don't judge! I'm not above bribery! And it worked! She was all smiles with each purchase, giving me kisses and lots of grins. She also apparently really likes mango ice cream. Yes, we ate an entire bowl. I have to say that today was about as close to heaven as it has come for me. I came back to the room and did a little dance. I did the running man and the cabbage patch and the sprinkler and she giggled, and I cried happy tears. Thank you all SOOO much for your prayers, because they are paying off. He is answering all our prayers and my little Katie is coming out of her shell. She is playing in the playroom with the other kiddos and will walk away from her mommy and daddy, keeping a watchful eye on us.
We have only 2 more full days here in Guangzhou and we cannot wait to get home. We miss our other two children something fierce. We also miss our neighbors and family! Being here makes you appreciate all the wonderful things that make your life in the US amazing.
Tomorrow we take the oath. It's the oath that we give to take care of our daughter and never abandon her. I can't even imagine my life without her. Everyone says the bonding has not even begun, and if that is the case, what will our love feel like a month from now, a year from now? I cannot wait, but for now I will enjoy every little moment, every smile and giggle that we can squeeze from her.
Oh my goodness! I have had such a wonderful day with my little girl!!!! We spent a lot of quality time today and gave daddy some time to play squash and hang out with the guys. So what do girls do to make themselves happy? We SHOP! Katie and I went shopping and every time she saw something she liked she would reach for it and shove it in my face. And what do you think I did???? I said "WE'LL TAKE IT!!!!" Yep, anything my little princess wanted today, she got. She got two adorable bracelets (she looooves jewelry, even more than her mama) and she had me buy her a handmade Chinese doll baby. She pointed to some lime green with white polka dot shoes........and she is wearing them as we speak. She picked out all her Christmas ornaments today and had sooo much fun doing it.
So yes, I bought my daughters love.....don't judge sisters! Don't judge! I'm not above bribery! And it worked! She was all smiles with each purchase, giving me kisses and lots of grins. She also apparently really likes mango ice cream. Yes, we ate an entire bowl. I have to say that today was about as close to heaven as it has come for me. I came back to the room and did a little dance. I did the running man and the cabbage patch and the sprinkler and she giggled, and I cried happy tears. Thank you all SOOO much for your prayers, because they are paying off. He is answering all our prayers and my little Katie is coming out of her shell. She is playing in the playroom with the other kiddos and will walk away from her mommy and daddy, keeping a watchful eye on us.
We have only 2 more full days here in Guangzhou and we cannot wait to get home. We miss our other two children something fierce. We also miss our neighbors and family! Being here makes you appreciate all the wonderful things that make your life in the US amazing.
Tomorrow we take the oath. It's the oath that we give to take care of our daughter and never abandon her. I can't even imagine my life without her. Everyone says the bonding has not even begun, and if that is the case, what will our love feel like a month from now, a year from now? I cannot wait, but for now I will enjoy every little moment, every smile and giggle that we can squeeze from her.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
this picture makes me want to adopt another little girl!
Ok, if this picture of Katie and Sun doesn't make you want another little girl, I don't know what does! I want another little one to dress in Chinese dresses! Beautiful girls, aren't they?!
(go back to read todays blog)
(go back to read todays blog)
The Guangzhou zoo and Katie's birthday picture
We also did the infomous "red couch" photos yesterday. For those of you in the adoption world, you probably know what I am referring to. At the White Swan Hotel there is a big red couch where all the kids get dressed in traditional silk dresses or suits and sit for a photo. Generally the kiddos are screaming which is what occurred yesterday, but we all got a kick out of it. Katie was wearing a dress that was about 4 sizes to big for her, but the lady at the dress store insisted that it was the correct size even though it says its a size 6! Oh well, something to grow into, right?
We all went out to eat at a Contonese restaurant which was amazing. We ate duck, pork, veggies, some stuff that I don't want to know what it was because it was really good, etc. Katie ate like Frank the Tank. I don't know where this child puts it. She has to have gained several pounds while we have been here as she eats more than I do.
We are going to go swimming again later and visit a Christian owned store here on the island that I have somehow missed.
Katie is definately coming out of her shell a little more each and every day. She still is not a big fan of mommy and does not want me to touch her if she can get away with it. Good thing she is so stinkin' cute so I just wait and wait and hope she comes around sooner rather than later!
Kristie
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Typical nap time position
(go back to read todays blog!)
Medical exams in China ain't so fun!
Today Katie also had to have the infamous medical exam. I am certain that medical clinics in third world countries are infinitely worse, but when it comes to socialized medicine, this is about as bad as it gets. There was one clinic crawling with hundreds and hundreds of people. It was standing room only and you had to push and shove to get through the hallways into the belly of the clinical beast. There was a small room specifically for adoptive family exams and it too was packed with bodies all American holding their hot screaming children.
I had to do the honors with Katie for her first doctors visit as Patrick was sick all night and all morning and was unable to stray far from the bathroom, if you know what I mean.
Katie had to do a TB test, as all children over two have to do. She passed this test, and then on to the hearing test (doctor said "oh my! Her ears are really clogged with wax! Can she hear you well?" Me: "Nope. Or she just has selective hearing."
Tried to check her mouth but she was a sealed vault. Not opening up for just any doctor today. Then height and weight measurements and then to the regular physical exam. The doctor took one look at her diagnosis which was Epidural Hematoma and he said "What? Are you sure this is correct? Can she even function?" I explained that by all indications she appears to function normally with the exceptions of speech and motor delays caused by institutionalization. He said, "I think her diagnosis was wrong". I actually started to get scared, worried they would try to take her away from me because they suddenly realized that she was not as severely special needs as they first thought. I told him to feel her head and showed him the large 5 inch scar on her little misshapen skull. This seemed sufficient enough and he let us move on to the next stage which was the shots. Thank God that one of the other men in our group offered to hold her during her shots because it was awful. The shots are immunizations which are generally so weak that many of these children have to have their immunizations
re-administered once home to the US. As Katie screamed I had to shut my eyes and try to find my "happy place" but the tears just flowed. I was so angry that she has to have these unnecessary and ineffective shots, especially during such a fragile time for her. Well, a half a pack of M&M's later, she was happy again and all was right in our world.
We shopped on the way home and I bought several items that are entirely too heavy and I think my husband wanted to make me sleep in the hall. :) Ah, but how good does spending money feel after a really emotionally tough day???!
Katie will now let me hold her with only about 60 seconds of tears and protest, but she will not allow me to rub her back. She makes it very clear that I am not allowed to rub her back, touch her arms or legs or her hair. But, she will let me kiss all over her face and will press her cheek to my cheek. She will push my arms away and grunt at me. She will allow Patrick to touch her, which is encouraging. I think we will be doing some sensory testing once we get home and I need to start some education about attachment and sensory stimulation.
We had Katie do more walking today. She has zero leg strength or foot strength. She has just enough strength in her hip flexors to swing each leg forward, but its a very awkward walk, similar to a child just learning to walk. Her fine motor skills are phenomenal probably due to all the hours in a crib playing with a single piece of paper, or some small toy that she learned to manipulate with her fingers. I also think that her language is probably also at least 6 months delayed, possibly more. On the other hand, some kids just go silent for a few months and then start talking in full sentences. This could also be her.
She and her daddy are gently wrestling on the bed right now and he is able to get some good giggles out of her. We are just so in love. So smitten with this little beauty that has blessed our lives and enlarged our worlds. I mean look at me! I've eaten Ox tail soup and shaved tongue for goodness sakes!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Another great day for Katie!
So Katie did great today! I was not only able to hold her without her screaming, she didn't even put up a fight. She didn't look thrilled about it but she wasnt trying to escape my clutches in an attempt to retreat to the safety of daddy's arms. My back hurt like hell but my heart felt great! I also got her to smile at me several times when I tickled her. Prior to now, when I tickled her she was a locked vault, a frozen tundra without emotion, a code that could not be cracked. But today I outsmarted her and I got smiles! And to top it off, when I was feeding her a rediculously unhealthy partially hydrogenated, MSG filled muffin that she will never again get to eat once we are home, I got her to give me some kisses!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was sooooo worth every single empty useless calorie because it made her happy and I got kisses. Not just the kind that you have to steal. These were the kind where she tilted her head back and stuck out her little lips and left sugar crumbs in my lipstick. It was AMAZING and wonderful and the best day I have had here yet! Of course, I began to cry and had to hide my tears from her.
Right now she is down for a nap and then we are off to get her Visa photo. Nope, not the kind where she can go buy clothing. She is spoiled but not THAT spoiled. This is so she can travel back to the US. I have to say that I really like Guanghzou which is such a huge relief because I truly could not stand the last city. The shop owners here are so inviting and pleasant and most of them speak fairly good english (not a priority, but definately a "nicety"). The food is so much better and the hotel is really quite nice. The grounds are very lush and green and there are two outside swimming pools. The traffic is very manageable and the streets are not packed with smoking, pushing, rude people! It's so nice! I have to say I am very relieved that we got to spend time here because now I will go back to America with a much better impression of China. I was worried that I was going to go back with bad feelings towards my daughters country, which would be horrible. I want to appreciate where my daughter came from. That is important to me. Plus, the shopping is great here! My husband is already drawing up the divorce papers based on all the money I am spending (bought 3 pairs of squeeky shoes for both Katie and Brooke!). Haha!
I hope to give her a gift each year on Gotcha Day, something to reflect our excitement for this amazing day, the day we first got to hold our daughter.
Oh, and I almost forgot the most exciting part! She loves bows in her hair!!!! For anyone who knows my other daughter Brooke, we nearly come to blows every morning because I have an entire drawer full of ribbons and bows and she refuses to let me put them in her hair! But Katie is my saving grace because she bends her head down for me to put a bow in and then she reaches up to feel that its still there during the day. It's so sweet. I just love to watch her look at herself in the mirror and hope she feels pretty.
I am going to attach some photos from todays outing.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
last photo. Katie sleeping
another photo
I think this is my second blog entry for the day
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
We maid it to Guangzhou!
Well, we made it to Guangzhou! I finally have access to the internet again. Last night Katie slept really well, but the night before was horrible. She had terrible night terrors and then started to grieve and it went on all night long. Crying, screaming, thrashing around as if she was in physical pain. It was horrible to watch as she did not want either of us, even her daddy to touch her. She just wanted to grieve and cry. We just laid in the dark next to her and talked to her and cried with her. I was so sad that my daughter has to endure such pain at the young age of 2 years old. These are the things that are not right in the world. Our hearts just broke for her. And then I got angry. Angry with her birth mother for doing this to her. Angry with all the 600 birth mothers at her orphanage that walked away from their helpless little babies. But then as I laid there, I realized that I have absolutely no concept of what it means to feel desperate. I have had choices my whole life. I have had a family that supports me, and access to the top medical care any time I need it. I have no idea what it feels like to live off of dollars a day or to be young and pregnant and possibly hiding that pregnancy from the world or to know that if I give birth to a little girl my inlaws or my husband might take her away and leave her somewhere without my permission. I cannot begin to fathom what it feels like to know that my body is not my own, and either is my child. I have never experienced true desperation, the kind that makes you do horrible things just to survive. So I cannot judge her birth mother. I have to have faith that she left Katie out of the biggest love possible. That she left her knowing that this was her only opportunity to survive due to her medical condition at the time and that her mother prayed for her safety and a better life. And I know that in a few short days on Katie's second birthday, her birth mother will hurt. That she will mourn the loss of this amazing little girl that she never had the priveledge of knowing. I wish she knew that her daughter was safe and now receiving unending love and will be one of two spoiled princesses and one spoiled prince in the Harris household.
On a seperate note, we are now in Guangzhou which at first appearances seems soooo much nicer than the last place! We are at the White Swan hotel which is beautiful and the air conditioning actually works! It's definately more tropical and humid outside and it is raining right now as their is a typhoon off the coastal area, but its not bad. The city looks so much cleaner and nicer but we have yet to venture out. Katie is sleeping right now and the house keeper just brought me the infamous "going home" barbie that has a blonde barbie holding a little chinese baby. I started to cry when she handed it to me. And then Patrick started to cry. Not really sure why, but it was such a sweet gesture and the doll means a lot to me.
So Katie did not have any night terrors last night. She woke up a few times and cried out and one time jumped into my arms but it didn't last too long. She seems better today, but still very scared and timid. She refuses to be put down but will at least sleep next to us instead of on top of Patrick's chest. Each day we take little baby steps with her. Most of the other kiddos are doing much better and are playing and interacting, but Katie is still really upset. I know that someday we will realize that this is all really good because it means that she was attached to her caregiver and that she may attach better to us in the end, but time will tell.
I will write more again after we have ventured out into the world of Guangzhou!
On a seperate note, we are now in Guangzhou which at first appearances seems soooo much nicer than the last place! We are at the White Swan hotel which is beautiful and the air conditioning actually works! It's definately more tropical and humid outside and it is raining right now as their is a typhoon off the coastal area, but its not bad. The city looks so much cleaner and nicer but we have yet to venture out. Katie is sleeping right now and the house keeper just brought me the infamous "going home" barbie that has a blonde barbie holding a little chinese baby. I started to cry when she handed it to me. And then Patrick started to cry. Not really sure why, but it was such a sweet gesture and the doll means a lot to me.
So Katie did not have any night terrors last night. She woke up a few times and cried out and one time jumped into my arms but it didn't last too long. She seems better today, but still very scared and timid. She refuses to be put down but will at least sleep next to us instead of on top of Patrick's chest. Each day we take little baby steps with her. Most of the other kiddos are doing much better and are playing and interacting, but Katie is still really upset. I know that someday we will realize that this is all really good because it means that she was attached to her caregiver and that she may attach better to us in the end, but time will tell.
I will write more again after we have ventured out into the world of Guangzhou!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Day 5 in China
But the good news is, each day gets a little better. Today she doesn't cry when I walk in the room and she will let me sit next to her and she even let me kiss her several times without any tears. She still wont let me hold her, but last night she snuggled up next to me in the bed all night long. I didn't sleep a wink but I didn't care, as long as I could smell her hair and feel her warm little body next to mine, I was in heaven. Then around 6:00am Patrick went to the gym and she woke up. She knew she was only with me and she didn't freak out. She let me scratch her back for about 30 minutes and then she let me give her a bottle. I couldn't hold her during the feeding but she let me lay next to her and stroke her hair which is a HUGE improvement! She is napping with her daddy right now. She is still dealing with the night sweats as her infection is much better but still appears to be giving her some trouble. Her lungs are still a bit junky but each day is better.
At breakfast she let me feed her and she will also let me change her diapers without bucking and kicking.
Today is Patrick and I's 9th wedding anniversary and 11 years together. I asked him if for my anniversary gift if he would let me adopt that little boy with the club feet at the orphanage. He said I could review his file if I could get it but that we wouldn't be adopting again anytime soon........ My focus is on Katie, but oh how that little guy stole my heart. Did you see his picture? His little butt is shoved so far into that bucket he looks like he has been folded in half. And he was still just as happy as could be!
Our guide helped me find some pictures of my daughters finding spot which is a buhdhist temple near Luoyang. I have not been able to find any information about the temple in the US so it was priceless to find a picture for her to see someday.
Hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting and I will have more to write about but we really needed some downtime, given how stressful yesterday was on everyone.
Smooches,
Kristie
We went to the orphanage today
Well, we made it out alive....we went to the orphanage today. It was truly wonderful to get to see where our daughter has spent her entire life for the last two years. But.......it was also heartbreaking. It is a 7 story building and there were over 600 kids in the orphanage, many of which are special needs. The sleeping quarters were relatively clean and well kept. There were two children to a crib and it was nap time when we arrive, at least that is what we were told. Each of the rooms were completely silent, even though there were around 30-40 kids per room and many were laying there awake. Not a peep. Oh, and to my Valentia St. crew, I bought a bunch of formula for the orphanage, and they threw in a big plastic blow up bouncy cow for the kids. Everyone in the market kept calling us "rich" and taking pictures of us as we bought the formula because most families cannot afford to buy that much formula at once. It's actually really expensive as it was $35 per large tin. Thank you guys!
Anyway, when we walked in we had asked that Katie not see anyone that she would recognize and we were told that she could stay with one of us in a meeting room. We also said that no one was allowed to hold her. Two seconds later her nanny came running down the hallway and scooped Katie out of Patricks arms and was gone in a flash. We later found us in her "room" with the other 30 kids crying hysterically. We got to take pictures of her little best friends and they gave us several pictures of her with them. They also let me search out a bunch of children that I knew their waiting adoptive families (through a Yahoo group) and allowed me to film them. It was priceless.
I was heartbroken being in this orphanage because it felt like such a dead end. A deadly dead end. The end of their spirit and their futures. There were brand new babies, only a day or two old, some with cleft lip/palate, some with downs and some that appeared healthy all bundled 3-4 to a crib for the newborns.
There were others that clearly had sores on their bodies, but most looked fairly well cared for. There was one little boy that I will forever see in my dreams at night. He was probably 4 years old and had club feet. He was beautiful. He was sitting on the potty pot and he let me sit next to him and stroke his face and hold his hand. He smiled so big at me and was so happy. I fell in love all over again but it was horrible leaving him. I am sobbing writing about him. Because he is a boy and he is older and because of his disability they will probably never complete his paperwork for adoption. It KILLS me. So if anyone is open to a little bit older boy with what appears to be a completely manageable special need, I will totally advocate for you. I am going to see if there is anything that can be done to get his paperwork done as once someone sees his sweet face, (he is in one of my posts) they would fall in love too.
Anyway, it was a very tough day for Katie as she cried alot and nothing went as planned. Then our hired driver dropped us off miles from the hotel and we walked for ages trying to find out way back.
On a good note, Katie will let me feed her today. She will also make eye contact with me for brief moments. Sometimes I catch her watching me out of the corner of her eye. But she is absolutely terrified if Patrick steps out of her site for even a moment. He had to go to the bathroom at a rest stop and he left her with me in the van and she freaked. She was shaking uncontrollably and scared to death without him. It's a real heart crusher to know that I cannot comfort her in the slightest right now. A mothers instinct is to protect her children and I am incapable of doing this for her. But I know it will get better. Enjoy the pictures and may they not haunt your dreams as they will mine.
Anyway, when we walked in we had asked that Katie not see anyone that she would recognize and we were told that she could stay with one of us in a meeting room. We also said that no one was allowed to hold her. Two seconds later her nanny came running down the hallway and scooped Katie out of Patricks arms and was gone in a flash. We later found us in her "room" with the other 30 kids crying hysterically. We got to take pictures of her little best friends and they gave us several pictures of her with them. They also let me search out a bunch of children that I knew their waiting adoptive families (through a Yahoo group) and allowed me to film them. It was priceless.
I was heartbroken being in this orphanage because it felt like such a dead end. A deadly dead end. The end of their spirit and their futures. There were brand new babies, only a day or two old, some with cleft lip/palate, some with downs and some that appeared healthy all bundled 3-4 to a crib for the newborns.
There were others that clearly had sores on their bodies, but most looked fairly well cared for. There was one little boy that I will forever see in my dreams at night. He was probably 4 years old and had club feet. He was beautiful. He was sitting on the potty pot and he let me sit next to him and stroke his face and hold his hand. He smiled so big at me and was so happy. I fell in love all over again but it was horrible leaving him. I am sobbing writing about him. Because he is a boy and he is older and because of his disability they will probably never complete his paperwork for adoption. It KILLS me. So if anyone is open to a little bit older boy with what appears to be a completely manageable special need, I will totally advocate for you. I am going to see if there is anything that can be done to get his paperwork done as once someone sees his sweet face, (he is in one of my posts) they would fall in love too.
Anyway, it was a very tough day for Katie as she cried alot and nothing went as planned. Then our hired driver dropped us off miles from the hotel and we walked for ages trying to find out way back.
On a good note, Katie will let me feed her today. She will also make eye contact with me for brief moments. Sometimes I catch her watching me out of the corner of her eye. But she is absolutely terrified if Patrick steps out of her site for even a moment. He had to go to the bathroom at a rest stop and he left her with me in the van and she freaked. She was shaking uncontrollably and scared to death without him. It's a real heart crusher to know that I cannot comfort her in the slightest right now. A mothers instinct is to protect her children and I am incapable of doing this for her. But I know it will get better. Enjoy the pictures and may they not haunt your dreams as they will mine.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Day 3 with Katie..........
Well good thing for Katie she's cute! Because she really really hates her momma right now and if she wasn't so much fun to look at I would end up under the covers in my hotel room feeling sorry for myself. As we expected, Katie picked one parent to bond to and that happens to be Patrick. She is truly a velcro monkey right now and wont even let him put her down to go to the bathroom. Yesterday when all this started and she had completely rejected me, I was really upset and had my heart broken. But today is another day, and I know that although it stinks for me, it's a good sign that she is able to trust Patrick and is attaching to someone. I think she is really angry with women right now because its always women that abandon her, most recently her nanny at the orphanage. So she feels safer with men and is really really angry with females. Understandable considering all she has been through.
Last night she was up alot crying and would only sleep directly on Patricks chest. She also just threw up all over her crib and now will only sleep on Patrick's chest (that puke smell in her hair will help lull him to sleep, right?)
I am completely useless. If I come within 3 feet of her she just shuts down and cries. It is very sad but I am truly keeping a good attitude about it.
Today we went to Shaolin Temple where high powered Buhdist Monks were buried inside the tall tombs. We then got to see a Kung Fu show.I have decided that no one will ever have to worry about me packing up my things and moving to China. Although its cool to experience, the smog is horrible, the traffic is terrifying and people are downright rude and disrespectful here. Plus the men spit loogies inside buildings on the floor and all the kids wear pants that are missing the crotch and they just pee wherever they feel like it. Yes, this means in the isles of the Walmart so when I kept seeing puddles of "water" all over the store, I realized it was pee-pee. Yuck. I know its a different culture and that I need to be understanding, but when they push and shove to get into buildings and cut in line when I am first to go into the "squaty- potty" its just annoying.
Here are some pictures of Katie today. Patrick can get her to smile and giggle and play with toys, as long as I am nowhere in site. Hence, any of these pictures are taken from around the corner so she wont start bawling. Pray that she will quickly attach to me, or at least like me enough to allow me to sit next to her without her pitching a fit! I thought only teenagers hated their mothers! Oy!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
pictures from Day 2
Day 2 with Katie
She loves food and clearly stuffs herself as it appears she thinks she is still on the orphanage feeding schedule. There she only got two meals a day. But we are Harris's and we eat a lot, so she will soon figure this out. Food is never in short demand!
Tomorrow we are going to Shaolin Temple and seeing a Kung Foo show and the next day we are going to go to her orphanage. Given that she is still very much shut down emotionally right now, we are not going to take her inside. We are going to trade off so that she does not have to experience any further trauma. Today she started to panic when Patrick stepped around a corner and she couldn't see him anymore. Poor thing.
I am attaching a picture of Katie after her first bath. More to follow.....You know the drill.......it will only let me enter one photo at a time.
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