We maid it to Guangzhou!

Well, we made it to Guangzhou!  I finally have access to the internet again.  Last night Katie slept really well, but the night before was horrible.  She had terrible night terrors and then started to grieve and it went on all night long.  Crying, screaming, thrashing around as if she was in physical pain.  It was horrible to watch as she did not want either of us, even her daddy to touch her.  She just wanted to grieve and cry.  We just laid in the dark next to her and talked to her and cried with her.  I was so sad that my daughter has to endure such pain at the young age of 2 years old.  These are the things that are not right in the world.  Our hearts just broke for her.  And then I got angry.  Angry with her birth mother for doing this to her.  Angry with all the 600 birth mothers at her orphanage that walked away from their helpless little babies.  But then as I laid there, I realized that I have absolutely no concept of what it means to feel desperate.  I have had choices my whole life.  I have had a family that supports me, and access to the top medical care any time I need it.  I have no idea what it feels like to live off of dollars a day or to be young and pregnant and possibly hiding that pregnancy from the world or to know that if I give birth to a little girl my inlaws or my husband might take her away and leave her somewhere without my permission.  I cannot begin to fathom what it feels like to know that my body is not my own, and either is my child.  I have never experienced true desperation, the kind that makes you do horrible things just to survive.  So I cannot judge her birth mother.  I have to have faith that she left Katie out of the biggest love possible.  That she left her knowing that this was her only opportunity to survive due to her medical condition at the time and that her mother prayed for her safety and a better life.   And I know that in a few short days on Katie's second birthday, her birth mother will hurt.  That she will mourn the loss of this amazing little girl that she never had the priveledge of knowing.  I wish she knew that her daughter was safe and now receiving unending love and will be one of two spoiled princesses and one spoiled prince in the Harris household.
 
On a seperate note, we are now in Guangzhou which at first appearances seems soooo much nicer than the last place!  We are at the White Swan hotel which is beautiful and the air conditioning actually works!  It's definately more tropical and humid outside and it is raining right now as their is a typhoon off the coastal area, but its not bad.  The city looks so much cleaner and nicer but we have yet to venture out.  Katie is sleeping right now and the house keeper just brought me the infamous "going home" barbie that has a blonde barbie holding a little chinese baby.  I started to cry when she handed it to me.  And then Patrick started to cry.  Not really sure why, but it was such a sweet gesture and the doll means a lot to me. 
So Katie did not have any night terrors last night. She woke up a few times and cried out and one time jumped into my arms but it didn't last too long.  She seems better today, but still very scared and timid.  She refuses to be put down but will at least sleep next to us instead of on top of Patrick's chest.  Each day we take little baby steps with her.  Most of the other kiddos are doing much better and are playing and interacting, but Katie is still really upset.  I know that someday we will realize that this is all really good because it means that she was attached to her caregiver and that she may attach better to us in the end, but time will tell.
 
I will write more again after we have ventured out into the world of Guangzhou!